The Art of Saying No
You often hear advice to say yes to opportunities, and I am guilty of giving that advice. I will also continue to advise that you stretch yourself and accept opportunities which will either help your growth or further your career. However, I also want you to feel comfortable and confident enough to say no when something doesn’t serve either of those things.
There have been a few articles recently on saying no to things, especially if you are a woman who is expected to do non-promotable tasks (NPT) (The link to the latest Nature paper is https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-022-03677-6). An NPT is defined as a task which while it matters to the organization it will not lead to rewards or recognition to the individual who does it. One of the key things to consider is that an NPT rarely requires specialized knowledge or skills therefore many individuals could perform them, however more than half the time they are completed by women. Have you done any of those? Potentially as part of a committee with multiple members who could perform the tasks? I know that I have done many of them. My effort has been provided through a few different means: I may have offered to do it, or I may have been volunteered or voluntold to do it by someone else. It always makes me uncomfortable when the individual chairing the meeting requests volunteers for something because usually there is an expectation that I would be doing it by others present at the meeting. Whether that is because I was the correct person for the task, that I was an administrator and not a faculty member, that I may have been the youngest at the table, or either the only or one of few women there I am not sure.
On the other side of this I have chaired committees and had to request volunteers, waiting for someone to come forward can be excruciating! I also could usually predict the people who would come forward and those that would avoid taking on further responsibilities. This was exceedingly frustrating as those individuals would certainly include the committee and their accomplishments on their CV or resume but would keep their participation to the bear minimum. Frankly this isn’t a fair division of labour. I can understand that at times you may not have the ability to take on further tasks, or perhaps you don’t have the expertise necessary for the task, however you can either learn how to do something or ensure that you volunteer when something you can perform needs to be done.
In the most recent article, the authors have some suggestions to ensure tasks are assigned more equitably: drawing names, assign tasks due to the skill required, assign tasks which will allow someone to learn potentially leading to career growth, redistribute tasks for equitable workloads, and provide rewards for NPTs. I would also add that we need to ensure that the individual assigned doesn’t just pass the task onto their administrative assistant or member of their research group, again ensuring that they dodge the task. Or, if that happens that they are transparent to the committee that a different individual completed the task. It may be a contrary opinion but I believe that if you sit on a committee and get kudos for its accomplishments that you actually perform the required work of the committee!
How do you say no to something without offending the requester or the committee? When it comes time to say no, I want you to maintain eye contact with the individual (if it is an in person meeting) and simply say the word no. Try to ensure that there is no inflection in your tone and remember that no is a complete sentence! Therefore, you do not need to justify why you don’t want or are unable to perform the task. In fact, if you say anything else you are opening up the possibility that the person will argue or encourage you to do it. Your resolute silence conveys your confidence and they are unlikely to pushback against you! It may feel uncomfortable the first few times you do this but it will become easier. It will also help you that your participation isn’t assumed once it becomes common knowledge that you have discovered the word no and will use it if the task doesn’t serve you.
I have seen many articles where they encourage you to explain why you are unable to assist, and to provide alternative suggestions. However, in my experience the more you talk the more the individual will push back at you. Plus if you suggest alternatives they may assume that you are willing to arrange them instead which will also increase your workload. By simply saying no you avoid all of this unless the individual does continue to pressure you. In that case feel free to explain your reasons, but don’t immediately jump to the explanation.
To be clear, if a superior is asking you to do something you may want to take the softer approach of explaining and offering alternatives. However, I am anticipating a request during one of the many meetings you may attend, or someone has a wonderful suggestion that they claim to be unable to do but they are wondering if you could, that is when you can push back with the simple response of “No”.
Just remember that when you say yes to something, you will have to say no to something else or you may become overwhelmed and ultimately burnt out. It is better to do a better job on fewer projects than to give a sub-par performance to more. Especially as you don’t want to become known for giving a sloppy performance. Whilst by saying no you risk making individuals unhappy you are also protecting your brand of good performance and knowing your work bandwidth and ability.
